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By Richard Wilson - Attorney, Wilson Law Offices
MOUNDSVILLE, WV (October 31, 2008) - Most of you have heard them, the “You’re momma is so fat” jokes. It’s grade school stuff. You know, the “You’re momma is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said ‘mercy, mercy!’” jokes. The “You’re momma is so fat, she doesn’t order salads, she grazes” jokes.
This year’s national presidential election has brought out the best, or worst, in negative campaigning. Negative campaigning is not unique to the national landscape. It is clear that most of the advertising, even on local levels, is not focused and centered on one candidate’s qualifications, but rather upon the other candidate’s “fat momma” or the other candidate’s inadequacies. “Your momma is so fat, when she went to the theatre she sat by everyone.” “Well your momma is so fat, when you were born, you were delivered at Sea World.” It goes on and on and on and on.
The presidential candidates have picked at each other for everything from former acquaintances to current real estate holdings. And to listen to their ads, it’s almost as if it doesn’t matter, we’re all “going to hell in a hand basket” so says whoever loses.
If McCain wins, says Obama, we’re in for just more of the same old machine whose decisions have put us where we are today -- strained relations due to failed international policy, an unpopular war (or wars, depending on how you look at it), and domestic policies leading to an economic crisis.
If Obama wins, says McCain, his inexperience will lead to a further recession, his experience with foreign policy is limited to having visited Niagara Falls on the Canadian side, and his knowledge of the military is limited to his childhood experiences playing with GI Joes. Wow, listening to each of them talk about the other, it seems hard to root for either!
But imagining that we’re not far from political “your momma” jokes, I thought that I would offer my services to either campaign to assist with their “your momma” ads. So, in a non-partisan fashion, I thought I would audition for both sides.
From the Obama camp. Your momma is so fat, she makes Rush Limbaugh look anorexic. Your momma is so fat, if she lived in Alaska, it would be dark all 12 months. Your momma is so fat, she is now your party’s mascot.
From the McCain camp. Your momma is so fat, all of Joe the Plumber’s men and all of Joe the Plumber’s donkeys couldn’t move her. Your momma is so fat, they’ll have to change the name of the White House to “Big Momma’s House.” Your momma is so fat, if she went with you she would need your campaign plane, Air Force One and Air Force Two.
Ah, aren’t politics great. Of course, this column is a complete farce and neither endorsed nor paid for by any candidate.
About the Author: Richard Wilson is an attorney in Moundsville. His offices, Wilson Law Offices, are located at 515 Jefferson Avenue, and he can be reached at (304) 843-2300, or at www.wilsonlawoffices.